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Wednesday, May 05, 2004

Covey According to Slate

From The Slate Guide to Gurus:

You didn’t get promoted to VP for marketing

Your guru is: Stephen R. Covey

Sacred text: Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.
You trust him because: All your bosses read him.
His style: Cheerful jargon.
What he says: "In an interdependent situation, every P problem is a PC opportunity—a chance to build the Emotional Bank Accounts that significantly affect interdependent production."
What he means: Be nicer. And write a mission statement.
Insane thing he will make you do: Utter the words "holistic, integrated, principle-centered" without smirking.
You can't keep your eyes off: His bald skull.
Ideal devotee: A 39-year-old division manager of a gigantic pharmaceutical company.
If he wasn't doing this he'd be: Your boss.
Your sneaking suspicion: He's trying to convert you to Mormonism.
Cost: Three-day Seven Habits workshop, $1,495.
You could get the same advice more expensively from: A McKinsey consultant